I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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