Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
