Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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