If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she looked like the before picture.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
