Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She bit a glass in half.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
