were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
did you just send me my own nude
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
