I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
