meet me or not, i'm out of control
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
