so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
