And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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