I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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