i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
