I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
