Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i think my mom watched the whole time
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
sarcasm needs its own font
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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