he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
