I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
