Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
