Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
