Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
