The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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