he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
