New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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