Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
