Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
