Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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