i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
