I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
