Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
