All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
