Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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