A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So. Much. Porn.
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