Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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