Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
