FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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