Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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