Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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