Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
