I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
