people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
