Tell her she can't have a vagina
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
