I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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