i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
