I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
