He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
