So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
