He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
