***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I won the penis lottery.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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