Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I take back everything I said about communal showers
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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