Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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