he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
