Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
