Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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