i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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